For the past days I’ve felt like a not feeling. I would try to feel and reach into my being for some fondling, to bring myself out of me, but me was holding on tight to myself. Laughter was strong and yet hard to come by. When I did laugh it felt like losing control, breaking myself of the dead for a moment. *imagine artsy badass … Continue reading Free food is Free so Nom Nom Mofos
There’s a difference between the first suicidal and this one, but I wonder if it comes from understanding rather than true differences. I am still in control is the main juxtapose. When it happened on shake night I lost the feeling of being in control of my own mind. The thoughts were consuming and I truly believed they were meant for me. The suicide gods … Continue reading Similarities and Differences of Suicide Mind and Suicide Body
The Primal Superiority Woes Food wise cheating has been kept very minimal. No fast food hollowed out food has past into my inner dwellings and I daresay I’ve become so arrogant about food they would kick me out of restaurants if I ever deemed to enter them. It would have to do with the nakedness of me since I would run into them (let’s go … Continue reading McSuicide Update
Have I mentioned that I sleep in a hammock now? I sleep in a hammock now. It’s making my dreams as vivid as reality. Last night this human captured me into water filled moments (more on this later) and a deep self awareness. Then my dreams held a less appealing human that rejected me over and over as I attempted to stroke and have him. … Continue reading My Dreams are Vividly Shaping my Reality
On that emotional eating: Something melted in venting because it trinkled about a couple of hours more and then faded out. Oddly it faded after eating that chocolate bar and another one. I wonder if there actually was a nutrient I was starved for. Too late to find out now. The amount of rejection is causing the other memories of the human to fade. Oh … Continue reading Venting Leaking Cures and the Mentally Disorded Friends
It has been an odd muckfuck of mental days. Nightmares about eating twenty Big Macs. Ever since switching to hammock sleeping my dreams have become as vivid as reality. I’ll wake up and be displaced for hours and truly feel like I’d cheated for the next awakened hours. I’ve been arrogant and cold, unable to connect to life. Yet I could feel…my body is becoming … Continue reading The High Twins: Different Responses to Hormone Release
I was talking to my neuroscience psychology professor today about realization I felt last night. You know how it can hurt to learn something? Such as when you take a math class and learn a whole new concept and it feels like your brain hurts? Well what if connections are like muscles? We break and regrow them, and feel a sense of pain. I’m sure … Continue reading The Literal Pain of Learning: Can we Feel new Connections Forming?
There posts are from an experiment I did in 2015 that I am moving over to thi I formally want to apologize for being late. I look formal in this photo so it counts. Also, someone is looking for me so story wise it fits. On vacation, I was horrid at keeping up with this blog. I would try to do a quick post, realize … Continue reading The Mcsuicide Day Very Late: Part One
How much do we connect to our own selves? When we see a picture of our body and sprog do we actually connect to it? Is it just like staring at any other painting or photo? An art piece of our ourselves in our minds. A few days ago I was watching videos of myself and usually there is an estranged feeling. I’ll be staring … Continue reading Connecting to Pictures of Ourselves
First of all a blog update. This blog has become way too cluttered with posts so I am going to be moving Box of Chocolates Experiments two over to a new blog. I will inform you humans of it when I do. For today I have two more video updates that deal with battling the bias in How Mental Disorders aren’t our Fault How Humans … Continue reading How Mental Disorders aren’t Our Fault: We Never Wanted Them
