Ever since Morgan ‘broke’ that halting of sexual release my body has changed.
Down bellow things are flowing that haven’t for a long time.
Isn’t that bloody fascinating?
Well not bloody, more like a satisfied tug of liquid dripping down my leg. I might have to start wearing underwear.
Then mum and I were sitting out on the porch watching the Kardashians. I used to just the respect out of her, but then I wound up watching it with her and actually enjoyed the show. We won’t get into that just yet. I can feel your judgement before even posting this, which would then be a personal judgement manifested onto you. I saw flashes…of I believe Eric, a few other readers I know of, and then general human flashes when I felt out the ‘judgement’ English from my head.
Before there had been a pause. My body would stop reacting and go still.
What if PTSD traps the body in that fear?
What if when it reaches that fear it tells you to stop reproducing? What if when your body gets harmed it doesn’t want to carry on whatever tried to kill you?
It thinks you’re still fighting.
If you’re still fighting then don’t reproduce.
Feeding, fleeing, fighting, fucking
Sigh there’s something I’m missing.
Maybe it’s because mine dealt with sex that it got paused, but what if it’s everyone trapped in such things?
Our bodies react.
They go from being still to impulsivity, like our bodies have to get past a barrier to fight again.
I would pause and have to ‘feel’ before I bit Morgan. My body froze, unable to figure out what to do, and then he broke it by fighting me back. By saying he didn’t care if I hated him. Somehow that part broke me.
Not sure how yet.
It seems as though I was worried, frozen in place at the idea of forever being that way. Maybe my body would have been if I just held it in. Literally.
I didn’t want sex, to feel, I had every excuse to avoid it. It wasn’t something thought out, it was automatic. The body, my body, simply avoided it.
FUck there’s still so much to figure out.
I think they were drawn in. I wasn’t ‘feeling’ anymore, maybe that was the pause of the adaptation.
If I look at other animals it could tell me. WHich other animals freeze and why…
If we all evolved from other creatures their reactions might be stored in us.
If they learned to adapt by turning into trees then it would get in our genes, the way to turn into a tree, the way to form bones even. All the equations to our evolution.
So freezing is hiding.
Worms freeze when threatened, then their bodies forget and move on. Our bodies don’t forget…why? What equation makes us freeze in our own time?
How did I unfreeze it?
I am getting turned on again, naturally. I wasn’t sure if it fully broke until my body questioned it with John. I had sex twice over the weekend, shattering the fear with Morgan and then just flowing with sex the next night. I didn’t fully connect that time.
Then with John it fully expanded, I forced the ‘feeling’, was that forcing the nerves to expand and reach my skin again?
Because it did break, now I’m flowing again, my body wants to reproduce again.
Also sex is amazing again. Thanks John.