I’ve been trying to figure it out
Why it is that when I have sugar I’ll become a defective human being, and yet others eat it every day and they seem perfectly fucking fine.
I’d wired it as they have adapted to the sugar in my robobrain, but my human side begrudged their superiority.
I used to be able to handle the potent tingles of a sugar high and dip sugar cubes into icing like they were tiny edible square spoons. My finger was the handle. I could rip the heads off sour path kids and let them cry rainbow tears into my tongue as the colors dripped off. I could chug energy drinks like fireflies sparking my brain with their microenergy, tantalizing my taste buds and begging me to relinquish myself to them.
I loved that relinquish. I loved cascading myself through a dripping pool of addicting seduction. Colors crackled my mind and broke the pictures across my inner lids as the sun tried to warm them, only making my skin melt into the ground while my brain laughed and chuckled at the attempt.
I have been listening to other humans as they consume this earth. They eat sugar and speak sanely, they don’t become weak formations of life like I do.
Today my mind lags like a snail trying to Internet; just sludging around on the keyboard.
Then I realized it.
My brain was forming different path. Using different hormones or compensation methods to adapt to the sugar. It took my brain going from using the usual adaptation methods to life, the brain flow that it takes as a general life assessment, and trying to take the same ones, but not being able to.
Sugar blocks nutrients.
So maybe when the brain didn’t have those nutrients it didn’t have the right formula to continue its equation.
In other humans that eat sugar everyday, a brain pattern forms.
Their chemicals flow to form adapatations to life.
Take the simple brain mechanics of driving. You form the paths that you take for turning the wheel, moving the seat back, turning the dial. You know exactly how much pressure to use. You don’t slam your foot onto the break with a force that you use to pop a balloon. Your brain knows the mechanics of force to use, it has stored the equation.
You do it for all your daily tasks, it’s how you are able to do them without learning them again each day.
So when you take on sugar every day maybe it becomes part of the equation. The brain learns how to map around it. Say you were using dopamine as your body’s response to sex someone, and your brain attempts to do so, but does not reach the final flow for it. The equation does not complete itself. You were meant to reach 86 but only got to 80. Well what happens to that flow? Where does it redirect itself?
Eventually the brain must learn to adapt and to compensate, finding flows around to adapt.
When you withdrawal and cleanse those brain flows your brain goes back to using ‘natural’ ones, whatever that would even be at its fully cleansed self, but we eat to survive and drink to survive and can adapt to any food and drink so we’re at an odd stage of animal.
Without all drugs I did feel in full control. I controlled the flow to my brain. When I get on them it seems to glitch, I feel myself try to brain and it fails.
Talking to people causes pauses in time. I hear the words store themselves instead of come out…
store….like sugar makes us do. Hoard. Like honey. Hoard to hibernate.
So then do we start to hoard thoughts too?