Dreams merged into reality more.
I would remember them during the day with vivid flashes,
oddly enough, as my brain is just realizing, they were more vivid than my ‘true’ memories.
There was a ‘lag’ in general to reach into memories, but the moment I thought of the emotion attached to the dream, of not being able to help people, the dream vividly showed itself to me.
More vivid then ‘reality’.
Whatever gives us the ‘perception’ of memories being real was being fucked with.
I heard yesterday, no, saw, that fingers can show when the body is deficient in something. It was on Maria’s blog. Sec. I find it.
Click the picture to learn all about it. Or at least some thing about it.
In the dream the curves of the skin at the joints were yellow and jutting out…I tried to save them but couldn’t. You see,
Well…you don’t, you’ll have to go into my head to see them. One day I’ll volunteer to let them use my brain to see if we can see the brain’s images due to the equation of though patterns and memories until we can see people’s inner reality.
But today is not that day.
Dreams vs Reality
I’ve been having very vivid dreams of failing people. I keep trying to save them and wind up hurting them or just … can’t. I fail. The pain gushes through my body from my heart like it matters.
There’s so much.
So…dreams were more vivid while reality was ‘blurred’. Lagged…I’m not sure if there is a similarity. Initially the ‘blurred’ word felt right, but wasn’t true.
So however dreams are stored in our memories,
Did I use my dreams as reality’s form instead of ‘true’ memories?
As the day kept going I eventually saw my usual memories as vivid…oh wait fuck.
I took an Allysian pill today.
It’s a brain pill.
But now I’m curious…Alzheimer’s and hallucinations, mental disorders where they get ‘lost’ in fantasy and see hallucinations. Yeah I think it’s Alzheimer’s or…Schizophrenia. It’s Schizophrenia.
What is schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that affects the way a person behaves, thinks, and sees the world. People with schizophrenia often have an altered perception of reality. They may see or hear things that don’t exist, speak in strange or confusing ways, believe that others are trying to harm them, or feel like they’re being constantly watched. This can make it difficult to negotiate the activities of daily life, and people with schizophrenia may withdraw from the outside world or act out in confusion and fear.
Although schizophrenia is a chronic disorder, there is help available. With support, medication, and therapy, many people with schizophrenia are able to function independently and live fulfilling lives.”
A delusion is a firmly-held idea that a person has despite clear and obvious evidence that it isn’t true. Delusions are extremely common in schizophrenia, occurring in more than 90% of those who have the disorder. Often, these delusions involve illogical or bizarre ideas or fantasies. Common schizophrenic delusions include:
- Delusions of persecution – Belief that others, often a vague “they,” are out to get him or her. These persecutory delusions often involve bizarre ideas and plots (e.g. “Martians are trying to poison me with radioactive particles delivered through my tap water”).
- Delusions of reference – A neutral environmental event is believed to have a special and personal meaning. For example, a person with schizophrenia might believe a billboard or a person on TV is sending a message meant specifically for them.
- Delusions of grandeur – Belief that one is a famous or important figure, such as Jesus Christ or Napolean. Alternately, delusions of grandeur may involve the belief that one has unusual powers that no one else has (e.g. the ability to fly).
- Delusions of control – Belief that one’s thoughts or actions are being controlled by outside, alien forces. Common delusions of control include thought broadcasting (“My private thoughts are being transmitted to others”), thought insertion (“Someone is planting thoughts in my head”), and thought withdrawal (“The CIA is robbing me of my thoughts”).
Daniel is 21 years old. Six months ago, he was doing well in college and holding down a part-time job in the stockroom of a local electronics store. But then he began to change, becoming increasingly paranoid and acting out in bizarre ways. First, he became convinced that his professors were “out to get him” since they didn’t appreciate his confusing, off-topic classroom rants. Then he told his roommate that the other students were “in on the conspiracy.” Soon after, he dropped out of school.
From there, things just got worse. Daniel stopped bathing, shaving, and washing his clothes. At work, he became convinced that his boss was watching him through surveillance bugs planted in the store’s television sets. Then he started hearing voices telling him to find the bugs and deactivate them. Things came to a head when he acted on the voices, smashing several TVs and screaming that he wasn’t going to put up with the “illegal spying” any more. His frightened boss called the police, and Daniel was hospitalized.
Hallucinations are sounds or other sensations experienced as real when they exist only in the person’s mind. While hallucinations can involve any of the five senses, auditory hallucinations (e.g. hearing voices or some other sound) are most common in schizophrenia. Visual hallucinations are also relatively common. Research suggests that auditory hallucinations occur when people misinterpret their own inner self-talk as coming from an outside source.
Schizophrenic hallucinations are usually meaningful to the person experiencing them. Many times, the voices are those of someone they know. Most commonly, the voices are critical, vulgar, or abusive. Hallucinations also tend to be worse when the person is alone.
So do their dreams replace their reality?
From Three Months Ago…
I found my liquid brain love in Alpine. It started with the Oaxaca old fashioned and tequila. That taste stroked my mind just right, but that love is fading and bursting. It comes in for quickies but doesn’t stay through the day.
I don’t drink absinthe in the day either, but it’s thoughts remain.
Two nights on absinthe I’ve had vivid dreams. I wake up to vibrant pictures that my reality is playing in.
Structure of obejects nd detail is vivd (translated into the structure of objects and details are vivid)
I’d been concerned before…but not that heavily converned. Maybe it needed to burst through and I was in denial, or, in fact, my resource assessment value was set to “Freak the flip out! We are low! Oh we are super fucking low!1 There’s no resources anywhere and we are scared. Get us them. Get us them now. Wait…oh fuck….no…we can’t get them. We’re on absinthe and tequila and chartreuise and we have no function. Fuck…let’s just…fuck….I don’t even know. Let’s just break allllll the previous established resource connections. They aren’t real man.” ANnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd reality shatter of previous reserouce assessment into teary Ainsley over organ meat
Contributions to this idea is how it started. There’s a man that was talking about deer meat here. I asked about getting some and he said I’d have to talk to What’ss his name (he knew the name). I asked when he got back and Vince was like “It’s okay. We can just ask tomorrow and led me to bed.” I got wild eyed and said “Are you sure” with this deep desperation. “Yes.” “Pinkie promise.” Somehow that calmed me. That pinkie promise was so legit in my head.
Now that is a previous established connotation of the past…which explains why my brain accepted it. It was deep accessing past resrouces and accepted them as an established base. I’ve made people pinkie promise in the past as a very legitimate promise. I also hold myself to them. It’s been used in serious things as well that I had to believe would happen…I should access how that started. So many layers to it…I just heard “Abbey” in my head so she must be linked to some blueprint.
…Oh my blueprtinting ferocity!!! When on absinthe I,….lines and angles and the material world ‘stood out’. My fine motor movement assessment was stark and on a scale of about 14 to the usual 10 cap of the scale. Very vivid and very aware.Also I had a hallucination. Two of them. When I awoke around midnight. It was a shadow one. The common hallucination of a shadow above you, and then it left the room and there was a pretty one. Very demon and angelesque. I stored the memory of the dark one but not the light…grrr. But I felt one before sleep too, and it was from absinthe. It can definitely create hallucinations, this is actually already known.
At one point there was this vivid hallucination of a small me. I’ve seen it before, just milder and it would flee…well no it’s been this way before, the memory just didn’t feel so vivid/the moment of it. Maybe it’s because I’m trying to pull the memory through all the memories since it happened, but usually I do have to ‘cling’ when I see small me. It happens when I feel ‘regressed’ or access past pain. Especially when I try to move past childhood memories. I’ll feel this deep, deep fear and then see myself as a small person. Literally just….smaller. The size ranges too.In a shadow.
I can make myself larger by accessing the fear and then merge into myself. It generally has a cleanse feeling, at the end, but it can start with a lot of pain and sometimes I lose it and don’t cleanse it all.
This time I saw it vividly and knew exactly what to do. I simply found where the pain was and cleansed it. There was no search around for it or force. I simply did it. Nothing was in the way.