So, I am at this loss,
and maybe it’s a projection of lost resources.
Maybe this sense of loss if even just from this moment, of being high, and wishing I had steak.
You know right now, I truly truly wish I had steak.
Maybe that is even from just seeing this picture.
It took me a moment to ‘realize’ that,
because the initial flash was actually from moments earlier. I saw the lamb, probably because it was the last memory, the reverse order of memory pathways.
Your brain remembers things in ‘reverse’ but really it is in the order of time. To us it is reverse because we are getting back to the initial memory.
Your brain remembers the final reseources in order to remember the fastest way of reaching the final resource.
If you want food it might think of drugs as a vivid resource assessment…maybe because it took an adaptation so that adaptation became the more vivid resource versus the balanced one.
Does the brain still search for balance or does it eventually wire to need to be out of balance
or what if building that resource means you need the resource to become balanced?
Building that adaptation then reforms the brain to where it needs the resource.
Like if you do coke all the time then it creates a path in the brain, it forms around it, it adapts.
Then if you deprive it of that resource it has to re-adapt to find balance,
based on possible postives and negatives
Stimulants and depressants
Why did I initially come here?
Resource reavaulation, bodyily evuluation, wow it bcame harder to type and I tuned back into people
Outlying resources have been talking to Abbey throughout this duration though, oh exccuse me, Abbey is the fine motor movement blueprint of the hwole moment that includes many humans that I don’t recall the name of, that I just learned
Instead of trying to remember them (auto paths usualy) my brain decided to just think abbey, not spearking neurogenesis or memory.
Why did I come here?
Let’s see if I recall.
The title…how did I start that title, I did a quick glanve and realized it was cheating but sawa brain
brain consolidation, no , consolidation is just a recent word use
Did you already look?
Or are you seeing if you can remember too?
Do you already know and wish I would find it?
Or are you flowing with me, hoping I help you provoke it?
Or have you even thought of it?
Thought projectino after tasting
Felt taste on tongue first then wanted lamb,
still I either hungry, thirsty or holding onto uncompleted resource.
Ugh they just said “how do you feel about a hoard of trained bison?”
Now I want bison so badly.
Oh god they provoked my desires so hard
But I can’t be hungry.
Trying to lose weight and all
Yeah, yeah “me of all people” it’s so annoying. I, yes, of all humans have gained weight. I still fit in a 0 pant and in Gatesville I’m small comparitively, came to Austin and it’s like beautiful skinny people everywhere that give me goals
Don’t care as much here, but that’s because there’s no competition, the humans around me not as thing
Funnily enough they drive more, the complex is surrounded by gas gstation and no walking paths,
In Austin where everyone is walking people are thinner, truly, I’ll try to take pictures tomorrow.
We are going to Domain, hopefully Picnik first thoughj
Speaking of, Austin is epic but I’ll want to live in Round ROck,…sigh Farr away, the misty..no, well yes but that’s because I heard it recently, but it’s been rewired to where it generally flows with the feeling
Far away, the Red mountains call
The red seeps in
Our verrrry veins,
We’re red fever zombies
Addicted to your brains
I’ll sing it later and uplaod dit for you. It’s recorded somewhere already
but the memory of where, besides just phone (which has too many recordings) is not accurate enough to complete itself
Wow I have not stopped typing since starting this. So lost in it.
Forgot to even talk about why I came here?
okay I’m looking
That doesn’t fuckoing help at all
That could be anything
OH!!! I was going to confess something
The word finaly provoked the memory instead of anger
and found it….
then felt cleansed/released
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression
instead of depression of lack of resource 9like death) I found the resource and got happy instead
THese are my confessions (Justin Timberlake brain sounds)
songs are so much more vivid since I got high.
Want to store resources, either by recording or coming here, etc,
Okay so, all confessinos deal with what I’ve been hiding I suppose, which is the feeling that led to memories.
What I’ve been holding in, I know that because it’s bneen days, the memory goes past now.
Now made me angry but the past and finding it, provoked it away.
All of this hurts sometimes,
Then I go draw something
God I’m fucking starving
it’s hard to have no resournces
it might even be why I’m starved
I opened my drawing board on the Internet
but then searched restaurants in San Marcos
Then realized it doesn’t look like the new Austin
Ah, I remembered, after placing that first picture> Which. I took it by putting the phone on the tree branch to keep it still then relizing it looked like a bird’s eye view because it’s where a bird would sit.
So. I haven’t told you…
Fuck. I lost it again.
I just think of cheese often
must be something I view as an overall resource,k so much comfort, so woven through reality,
or it’s because it’s in this picture which is vivid
It’s not downloaded here
My car usually has food resources
In this recording it bothered me that I didn’t have the car
or this one
I can’t listen right now cuz in public setting
wish I wasn’t
want to be ‘home’
maybe that’s the car resource too.
Need ot rejuivinate.
Sigh. This is why I dislike getting high.
Especially since I lose spelling pwoers.
Not even planned.