Sparkle Bitters

I’m seeing it more and more.

The blueprints exposing themselves.

When someone seems angry, their voice changes,…..wait…I’m realizing…their voice changes. Every single time. It sounds…younger….

That’s…fine motor movement.

It can get more aggressive…fueled by past anger, but how does that regress the voice to the sounds of that moment?

All attached to an emotion. Hearing that emotion?

How does it sound ‘younger’ then?

Okay that’s enough questions when I have a couple of answers.

I keep getting non biased studies done on unknowing victims.

I hear when voices change and it seems to be a sudden change into memories. I see it a lot when people are drunk, which helps confirm the blocked memories aspect.

They suddenly sound angry or unhappy, lost or sad. I’ll hear them say something strange. They’ll say ‘when you just ate an apple’ even if I didn’t.

As though they’re in a memory that I provoked.

So I talk to them about it. Watch their confusion. “What kind of apple?”

“A red one! You poisoned  my sister and she was just to the point of happiness. Her cabbages had come in so nicely!”

Right there I just brought in a memory of this morning, where I was in complete comfort and happy, with a new human. I love her. She’s my mentor now. Older. German. She’s a whole story in herself. I’ll save her for another webpage.

So people keep regressing into old voices and I’ll provoke out the memories until they all flow out. I can ‘feel’ their pain as is being me. Keep following it. I tell them what’s happening. “I think you might be attaching me to old pain and memories. It’s something your body does and that alcohol releases. You store memories because your limbic is trying to protect you.” Then I show them where the limbic system is by touching their head and saying where everything is, the amygdala, the hippocampus.

So right now your brain is taking all the moments of life attached to an emotion, especially primal ones like rejection, and it is letting all of that stored pain be remembered. Right now you can probably see a memory, or feel one.

“I…yeah! Actually I can.” Then they tell me, and we find more and more memories.

I can even do it without explaining it. They’ll say something random and I’ll just flow with it. I was at Cochineal three or so nights ago and this girl seemed so uptight and unhappy at her job. I talked about it with her and then talked about her past.

Her voice changed.

Very literally. Into an accent. She wasn’t from here.

“Where are you from?”

“Somewhere Ainsley can’t remember.”

“Oh? What was that like?”

Her accent stays and she describes it. Her voice flows with no glitch or anger, she stays in the accent and laughs and talks about how she loves psychology and then….”I tried to get into a program”, her voice changes to a more American sound. You can actually hear it change bit by bit. A table calls her over.

Her face completely changes. Tightens. Even her energy becomes unhappiness.

She returns.

“You don’t seem very happy here.”

“No. It’s okay.”

“You just seem like you were much happier in the place Ainsley can’t remember the name of.”

“Yeah….” she genuinely pauses and muses through then and now. “But…” I watch her brain search its maps for what has happened, how she got here, and the excuses it has made to stay, “it is what it is.”

We talk about Harry Potter. We talk about them and I say I’m Slytherin, but I don’t want to be evil so I just ….I pause. “Slytherin is still awesome!” “Yeah but they’re so…well I guess it’s who we think of with the houses. Like M alfoy.”

“Well yeah. Everyone sees the point to Gryffindor.”

“I actually have a Gryffindor scarf, but all the tests say I’m Slytherin. Will you take the scarf?

I need to give it to someone that actually is Gryffindor!”

“Yes! I’d love to!”

We’d bonded more than the above so that was less odd than that direct flow.  There’s another woman in this conversation. The accent changer has dark hair. She is beautiful. I’m going back tonight so I’ll try to snag them in my phone as photos.

!!! I went away to find the photo for this and get it.

The fine motor movement of an accent.

She literally used old memories of fine motor movement.

Holy. Fuck

The studies this opens up.

How easy.

Have people talk about their past, ones that have traveled here, grew up in German, listen to their fine motor movement, their accent, when it comes out…vs now…this could…phases…reality shatters…would they break the English?

Would they relax into the accent..are they blocked from it or is it blocking them?

I could prove Freudian stages through accents.

See where people are stuck through others sticking in …….wow. This path. Opens up. So fucking much.

1 john 4:18

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