I’ve been analyzing my dreams a lot lately.
Particuraly finding where the blueprints come from.
How they merge and how they separate.
So with Miles:
Then I realized.
In the dreams I’ll sometimes awaken with shattered emotions that seem to have pulled forth feelings from the past.
I used to be afraid around them.
I had this anxiety that kept me at fear whenever I would see them.
In the dream there was fear.
What if throughout the day, and actually I know this happened, I felt that anxiety again?
What with the bar ideas and even just from musing over life lately. I’ve felt some of my anxiety come through.
The bar idea being the idea of going to the bar alone.
Throughout the day I fondled the emotion that I then dreamed of, and the blueprints of it merged.
My dreams then showed that collaboration/merging.
I saw Miles with a moose helm and he was popular.
He even saw me, hugged me, and then left.
Now, there was a time I feared Miles because he was more ‘popular’ than me.
Not at first. At first I had brimming over with confidence and then even chose Woulfe over him. We were still excellent friends despite this rejection.
My confidence remained within the friendship because my brain had not connected him and rejection, just yet.
Then we got together at some point and then he rejected me.
Rejected formed itself around his blueprint and I obsessed.
My brain felt the rejection, saw him, and attached him to rejection.
Then when I thought of him my brain felt that rejection and rebounded away to protect me from that pain.
My callosum could not get off of him as a resource to cure my rejection trigger and release that fear of compiled memories in my hippocampus that my amygdala would not release.
Well in dreaming Miles was there with all these pretty women and all of them made me feel a sense of fear, a fear attached to that rejection.
Side note for Emotion Time frame:
The emotion timeline of the brain is fear into pain into anger into hatred…I think.
Sec. Okay I didn’t see the study…but I think we do feel a sense of fear towards something, and then if the brain confirms that fear into pain we store it. Then later we feel anger towards it as the brain tells us to keep away and if that persists we form a solid ‘hatred’.
Fear could also come from pain though.
Someone breaks up with us and we feel pain. Then we see them and feel fear in order to keep us away from that pain.
Later we see them and the brain registers pain and we either run or fight (fight or flight) from that reaction.
From there the brain can learn anger through the fight response, or it could learn helplessness from the flight response.
…And Back to Dreams:
Like all the emotions of college, pretty women, and miles were being recalled and forming into a story of blueprints.
What if my emotions are growing and changing throughout the day? I’ve been shattering rejection more and more lately and reaching more and more memories as such.
So maybe as I bring it up. the emotion, and it changes with the formed blueprints of the day (present ones that need to consolidate that night/while dreaming) it also pulls up the blueprints it has consolidated while I sleep?
My brain merges memories and the present with the emotion attached to them.
My body ruffles around the blueprints in order to figure out future assessment needs based on new stimuli. To do so it brings up all the emotion blueprints attached to the changed emotion of the day.
Hmmm…..to test this.
I would need to see a series of pictures and watch the brain and how it reacted to the day. Or even….have an emotion triggered, such as love, while in a machine.
While that ‘love’ was there show me blueprints. Jennifer Aniston ones if we could find them…yeah there are connections in the brain that will literally only fire to one stimuli. They found this in a study where a guy’s brain only fired to Jennifer Aniston. They actually named them Jennifer Aniston neurons. I think I’ll look it up later. Then there’s ones that fire within a category, such as Jennifer Aniston as well as the cast of Friends/Joey. They fire at the whole cast.
I feel like that could help the dream study. You could watch those and see if, while you showed them (the firings for a particular object such as a chair or…something new. A gorgeous painting or fairy) and you could see if that memory of the chair fired in the sleep. Wait. The fairy. See if that neuron fired during sleep of the fairy.
The next day you could show the image again, or no. You would bring back that feeling (of love) and see if the brain fired for the fairy. You could see if the brain had consolidated it as a resource!!!
So that day you show them the fairy while giving them an emotion. You track where it fired in the brain and what the emotion was (we’ll have to figure out how to track that I think). Then you se eif it fires during sleep. Then, you test it the next day by showing the fairy and see where it fires.
You’ll want to show other images as well, baseline neutral ones, and see if those change.
Further Self Dream Analyzing
I also had a dream of Tim recently and we fought zombies together. I had this stark visual of organ meat bags lying around the hallways. It’s a hallway I often see in school dreams, particularly ones where I’m late for class. But the fear ones are generally in a hall at a locker I can’t open.
These ones are outside and I go to class, get lost or lose my way, but they’re never as fearful and usually end in peace. Sometimes it even goes to a fountain where I watch turtles and then, after five minutes, remember I’m late for class and muse over to it to find classmates and a teacher that invite me in. It tends to be tranquil.
The locker ones are in a hallway, that’s always the same, with a lock I can’t remember the combo too. I’m also generally younger.
The outside hallway is an architecture merge of the Junior High outside courtyard. I actually really loved that courtyard. What’s crazy but not is that courtyard was where Abbey and I got over a lot of fear. We started to go out there and talk to these guys in our church group that we had crushes on. We actually turned our anxiety into friendship. An actual emotion cleanse that took fear and shattered it into hope. No wonder it filters into my dreams…
We listened to music, chatted about life and read the bible. That was back when I loved the bible and God. I truly did and truly felt it.
I wonder how often I dream of that hall after feeling the ‘religion’ emotion throughout the day…
In Junior high we got over even more fear. We joined a student counsel class and wound up using the courtyard throughout the day to deliver messages. I used it even more when I was a library assistant and then even used it to go to the restroom when leaving Patty Brown’s class. The first class I truly felt at home and alive as we discussed books and read our poems and works aloud…such a strong emotion setting.
So yeah, it formed into dreams as a structure of school and getting over rejection.
It reappeared with Tim in it, boy was his image strongly there. He seemed to be some pillar of strength. Well we challenged zombies. I realized today they were from Cooties:
Yeah. Loved that movie.
The bags bothered me.
While in the dream.
I’d reached that point of being ‘aware’ of the dream and watching it play out.
They were randomly on the sidewalk of the outer courtyard. Plastic with …kind of blurry organs. That’s what got me. The rest of the dream was vivid but I’d see these blurry plastic bags and it would take a second to bring the organs into focus once I ripped the bag. I actually paused in the dream to stare at them while we should have been running from the zombie kids coming after us.
Yeah, just remembered they were kids. Totally merged Cooties into my dream.
They also had an odd emotion that actually paused the flow of the dream, as though my body was trying to merge it in but there was a stagnation.
I realized today that the bag was the one from a couple of months ago when I received my first bag of organs from the inside of a duck. I reached my hand in and there it was. A bag of organs. I was so excited and just skillet fried them.
Bad move. So much grossness.
maybe that was why the emotion was odd…conflicting emotions trying to consolidate.
My brain couldn’t figure out whether or not to make them a resource.
Cooties, old organ bag, Tim. Commonality might have just been confusion but also…organs…stark…fuck I don’t know. A surprise to them all, maybe gross reactions but I don’t find Tim Gross. Honestly I think of Tim now though and see Dwight so he must be a blueprint replacement of Dwight in Cooties.
Not his real name in reality or in Cooties I know, but that name blueprint is strongest so whatevers.
Also I’m feeling more and more the ‘dreams are in real time’ aspect. Which makes them feel like reality by the way.
I often watch them now and see them again throughout the day/remember them. They feel as ‘real’ as any other memory.