Rough Draft: Letter to Magnus Nisson

I think I would regret life if I never got to work with you, moments of it would be lost at the minimal.

My knowledge of the way food is frolicked in heat or made still by cold would barely fill a book for children. In admittance I find food so incredibly simple in that it is in all of us. We all can taste a flame’s last breath in our meat or feel the harsh bite of a bitter radish before it has been tamed or pickled to calm it. In future life a children’s book will come from these hands that makes food explainable to a five year old. This is needed in a time where food is disconnected from us, but is what connects us.

I have grown in America, and…feel a disconnect when I attempt to connect to food. At younger ages food made sense as my hand’s pushed the pulp out of lemons and squeezed the rinds of oranges to pour out the most of their juice.

The food made less sense when I took it out of cans, and yet it still tasted like food so I just went on with it.

I remember the first time of making orange juice with a plastic device that you plop half an orange on and twist. The first time it was mouth shame, and no matter how often I tried it the taste was ‘wrong’. It tasted like plastic somehow. I experimented by squeezing half and plastic juicing half of the same orange. I switched the glasses around to make sure it wasn’t my mind fooling me into false tastes. The taste was still obvious and I went back to hand squeezing all the oranges. The connections and mouth bliss returned from drinking the juice of fresh oranges as their sweetness overtook my senses.

Growing up in America

When teenagers are given an allowance, in this land made of disrupting the natural, we become pioneers of false food creativity. Our taste buds are tricked by energy drinks (imagine a soda with fizzling drugs at the peak of unnatural flavors, as though a radish rotted and someone unrotted it with acid), and overstuffed sugar products baked and put into tiny packages we can get for a dollar.

My twin and I foraged in grocery stores and found sugar of all kinds of excitement and in different forms and twisted shapes. There were Twizzlers, long ropes of hard red sugar that you could peel off, and Pop Rocks that you could have explode in your mouth. All of this made with colors that required no work or knowledge to eat, but for the dollars of paper in your pocket.

I’ve been coming slowly back to food as a human on all fours that randomly stands but easily falls with tattered cloth. The pain I feel in this lifetime comes merely from staring at the life around me. My eyes feel bloody as I see the humans here eat fast food burgers of the cows that I saw in your episode of Chef’s Table. That moment was very real, and in it I saw the pain in those cow’s eyes and it is the pain I see in the humans around me. I love these humans because I have been filled with a passion that was made into my bones from birth and will carry me through life. A deep caring that I think is meant to be used for this world. Will you help it?

I now see that the red candies and exploding pop rocks are a false representation of what has been taken away from us. There is no connection to food here anymore. There are movements to get back to nature and buy from our local farmers, but it is a small and slow movement because it does not look at the true problem that plagues my country.

Among the foods we’ve been fed are poisons. It started with preservation, so companies could feed us and make money, but how could they make the food last longer? How could they take the fresh beasts of a land and preserve them without the time? Through the unnatural they began to feed a nation. Then they combined fats and sugars, two elements of life that do not naturally occur together. Honey has no fat and organ meat has no sugar. This is a shock to most Americans.

In fact, there are children and adults here that do not know where food even comes from, and they may never know. That statement still gives me the shudders of when time moves you by shaking your nerves at a change evoked by mere thought.

America’s Companies in the Game of Food

McDonald’s is a prevalent company that took science and the way the human body naturally works, and used that against the bodies of my people. They use red and yellow to provoke our senses. The red of blood that poured into our ancestor’s eyes, leading them to kill and survive, is now used in their sign and on the bags they hand people with five minute food inside.

They use yellow for their giant M that stands 12m high from the ground and the sign itself can be 12 feet high. The golden arches we call it, everyone knows its name.

The yellow of a banana to stand out from the leaves so our ancestors could spot it. The companies put soda machines in schools of children and told the school that if not enough were sold they would cut the funding they were giving to those schools. The schools put soda machines in the hall and allowed children to have the sodas in classrooms. Enough sodas were sold to keep the funding. As sales of companies products rose so did the mental disorders that we see all around America now.

We have mental disorders here that I believe you do not see there. I believe that because mental disorders were created by this unnatrual lashing and abuse of food that runs in America’s nutritionally deficient veins.

How is that the most evolved creatures on this planet somehow can’t adapt to a relationship ending? I watch and look for minds that are broken in America. I see suicidal teenagers that do not understand why they want to cut themselves and end their lives. I am sorry if this startles you for it is not your problem, but it is a problem. If you can view this world as a great consciousness then you could also view it as a problem of yours as well, but I truly am not writing you this letter to burden you with such a pain. It is my pain and I have chosen to take it.

We have people that do not connect to life because they do not have the right life in them to do so. There are humans here that grow up only eating the cows you saw, and only having bread that is stuffed with preservatives and pain for the human mind.

None of this claims are made with light fingers into these keys. I have performed a self experiment, as well as read many scientific papers on the subject of diet in America. I was disconnected from my life for around ten years. It started when I was around ten and went until I was 24. In youth I was using ancient preserving methods by putting sour candy balls into energy drinks and letting them marinate for about ten minutes before chugging them. I had lost control.

I went into a ‘paleo’ diet. It is a ‘diet’ here where we try to get back to our ancestors and is also known as the paleolithic diet. I stopped eating anything from a can or package and cooked everything from home. Eating out became a seldom adventure.

My mental issues went away. Where before I could not adapt to rejection and learning new information literally caused pain, I now could laugh into life changes and dance to the tune of any rejection as my mind searched for where to go beyond it.

I chugged a shake from work one day, a shake ladened with some type of cow’s milk and chocolate from a plastic squeeze bottle. Immediately I wanted to hoard the shake like an animal to a cave, and then, that night, I imagined sinking beneath the tub’s water and never coming up. The idea was beautiful. My body wanted it.

From there I went back to all ‘healthy’ forms of food and again wanted to live, but felt that beast of suicide hovering over my shoulder and saying it was never going to leave. This is a demon that I know many friends of mine have. I would say about half of them, and I have many many friends.

I decided to do an experiment where I only ate fast food and food out of boxes. It took three days and I heard voices that weren’t in the room, and the suicidal desires came back. One day I will prove that these foods cause mental disorders by having scientists scan my brain now, while it is healthy yet again, and then have them scan it every day while I am on the fast food diet. I have to do this because no other type of study will prove it. In this study I know they will see the beginning signs of ADHD, OCD, depression, autism and all of the other disorders that are rampant here. Science is already showing they deal with nutrient deficiencies and toxins, but our government receives a lot of funding from McDonald’s and other companies. This collaboration then hides true research or casts it off as qualitative data.

I have learned cooking through the Internet at this point. I know how to very slowly cook a beef stew with a slow cooker and how to marinate chicken in pickle juice for the night. I intuitively learned to make bread by slow cooking vegetables and then adding coconut flour with eggs and coconut milk. I know how to make coconut milk with a high speed blender and then use the pulp to make crackers the next day.

Most of my free moments of life bliss me into a bursting kitchen and I feel alive. It is in the kitchen I feel connected. I’ve started to connect to every morself of food that passes my lips and even sing into water and plants and meat, harmonizing the energy with my body. I don’t know why I started to sing to my life that gives me life, but one day it just felt instinctual. People here would call it crazy, but it is in that crazy I feel sane.

My knowledge of food is scarce, but I want to grow it and I want it to be with you. I yearn within my cooking blood to know the ways of creating food with only that elements of this earth. I do not want to use a blender or a food processor or an oven. Flames kindling within leaves and a giant cellar filled with jars of the rich verocity of earth…that is more than I could ever beg for.

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