*deeply breathes in and feels the fact I can finally type out all the words held up in my head* *Goes to type out title, calmly assessing and convincing my mind to not freak out as it’s eyes widen and try to hold mine, making sure it can trust me* *pats self mentally on the head*
Bullet ideas: meh…
Two nights ago I fell asleep on the living room couch to Once Upon a Time. I thought of going to my hammock for a quick thought assessment, but the comfy texture of a wool blanket trapped me.
The night held sporadic sleep, but still I did not go to my room, and I realized a part of me feared it. I tried to convince my body into my woman cave, but it told me I was comfy on the couch and there was no need to move.
Last night it tried again, but I was aware of it this time. I fought against those desires.
Body: *feels the plush smooth couch under my body and signals that to the left hemisphere after letting the emotion seep into the right.
Mind: *assesses the feeling and creates thought/words in my head* Mmmmm this couch is comfy as fuck.
*shock analysis occurs as I remember the night before and then I take in other variables. Accounting for such things causes a reassessment of this bodily desire to sleep on the couch yet again*
I awoke from my hammock this morning and took in my mind, hoping that it wasn’t as stagnant and unhappy as it was yesterday.
Fuck. It was.
My thoughts stale.
I tried to move my thoughts about, searching them to try and find out why I was feeling unhappy. Of course…what is unhappy?
I feel…slow. Maybe I’m inflamed…cheating can’t be too blamed because I actually brought my meal to alamo (wilted kale in tons of coconut oil and some ginger and tumeric (fats+anti-inflammatory nature bits in case I did cheat) and a muffin,…maybe the almond flour inflamed me (nuts cause inflammation cuz they’re totally meant for squirrels))
Thoughts still came through the mind though, so I wasn’t dead. I muddled them about my mind and body as the morning seeped in. I saw my phone flash the green light of a text yet again and felt a slight sense of anger and doom (doom as in forever fated to that fucking flashing green light).
But…my body didn’t say to go get that phone and check the message.
Body: *sees flashing light and assesses resources before shooting a signal out*
Mind: *creates words* I am trying to avoid the phone in the mornings so Imma just roll over now and stretch into the hammock, maybe I can get some more sleep in
*dozes in and out of thought for a halfish hour, thinking of the day’s plans*
Body: *rolls body over and sees light again*
Mind: Maybe I should go get that.
*suddenly decides this post is too stressful and goes off for a bit before returning (resource analysis tells me that I’m already drained, that this is all my body and mind have “in me” right now)
I suddenly hear the sink dripping. It has been this whole time, my body just hadn’t heard it. I just remembered that it’s a huge reason I finally went from the couch to the hammock…the main reason actually, but in analyzing this morning I’d forgotten it so my mind filled in the excuses (/lies as we view them in modern society) and told me it was just a fierce battle of analysis in realizing that fear was keeping me from my hammock and that I needed to face that fear, but those thoughts came after the dripping sink.
Without the sink I would have just left my body on the couch to sleep, going with bodily desires.!!! *ah!* while typing that I thought of formatting and wanted to leave again. The idea of formatting this huge chunk of words is draining my future resource ideas.
Stuck in ideas *drawing*
Abbey and Randy gone with life
*burping vs training mind (adapting neurogensis or getting back old self or both?)