I keep forgetting simple tasks.
The automatic is failing me.
I forget names of semi-close friends. People who I’ve called the right names with no issues or even awareness of the fact I was doing it. Those names were solid and set in my mind.
Yesterday I forgot Weston and called him Wesley then Winston…I think it’s because moments before I was thinking Jeffrey.
Then I forgot Jame’s names yesterday as well. I’ve never gotten his wrong, and it’s been months since I’ve learned it, and I have used it tons of times since.
We were outside and I was like oh “Jake is here too”. Automatically. I know a Jake from years ago that I was very close with. Closer than I am to James..maybe Jake overrode James emotionally and so his name came out of my mouth. Because of this floundry I felt awkward and took even more seconds to remember James’ name.
I even said “I know it” to those that surrounded us so they wouldn’t think him lame.
And he was like:
“Yeah, she knows it.”
In an obvious manner of wtf just happened, but with his James level calm understanding
I explained I’d been doing it a lot lately and didn’t know why.
He and the group accepted this logic.
Then today I was trying to remember a lover’s/friend’s…mostly just friend now, daughter’s name.
It just escaped me. Britley came into my head and I just couldn’t find the memory connection of her name anywhere.
“Burkley”, he said with a slight questioning hesitation and a bit of laughter.
I told him about how my mind was oddly losing names and that it seemed my mind was just focused elsewhere and that it was losing memories.
“Well of names specifically” says Jeffrey.
*contemplates in self*
In him stating the obvious I had to rethink it.
“Like my brain is compensating for having greater focus in all of this primal”.
“Pruning at work” he says.
I think Wtf…at work? Like the workplace. I guess you do designate different skills at work and learn new specialties that might make other learned things fall out?
I asked immediately after, the thoughts above splitting a second.
“Like neuroligcal pruning”.He says in a
you know, your passion that you know about ,voice.
I said, hitting an instant of understanding before reaching the full after he’d left as the door shut between us.
Oh! That makes perfect sense.
Other explanation is different mindset:
I’ve typed of them some before, but I do feel if we reach new moments or spans of life, such as through reality shatter or fully changing your diet to the point your brain works differently, we can lose…ourselves in a sense.
This can be even less dramatic..apparently since I don’t know how this one happened/have a distinct memory for it, except maybe the meatpost…maybe I’m literally forming my mind more around hunting…losing names as I become more aware of motions and sounds, living to hunt kind of….*still working it out*
You lose things you knew in the previous mindset. For me it might be names of people that are not in some permanent state of a mindset. Since I switched I lost names like contacts in phones. You try to recover them all but you know you’ve forgotten some.
I don’t know…all just hypothesizing right now, but different forms happen with each reality shatter. I simply don’t connect in the same way as I was in the previous mindset, so I have to set new paths to connections.
That brain has epilepsy though. You probably don’t want it.Such beauty from such pain.