I’d been using Dustin’s name within the existence question
I started to connect the two
I’d think of existence, get scared of it and think of Dustin
Because I was getting excited by it
He made me believe again
Made me feel there is this greater meaning to life
That existence matters
Is leading somewhere
A twin flame
A person that proves you’re on your last lifetime….
Now in some ways I just feel stuck
But the point is, I would get excited at his name when I thought of him being a twin flame, and connected him being a twin flame to having meaning. Thus meaning there was a point to existence.
So every time I thought of existence or meaning to life (which is often) I would connect to his name.
Eventually ‘he’ as a human wasn’t even there.
At first his name sounded wrong, and still does if I get past the obsession.
When I use a real memory instead of a blueprint memory.
His name sounds right when I obsess. I connected his name to a connection, then made a blueprint memory of him into it.
That memory of his name, that I had a blueprint memory of his face for, became the name I heard during my obsession moments.
When I obsessed and thought of him, needed him to want me, I would hear his name in my head. It would sound right. That blueprint memory became attached to fear, to false love, to rejection and to my past.
It’s okay though. I’ve found the blueprint so now I can cleanse it.
P.S. If you are a first time viewer to this blog I request you begin at the beginning.