When Your Human Body Doesn’t Want You

I shuddered at the first thought of it.

My body felt aware. As though it was confirming me.

That the body could be aware enough to want us out of it once we’ve gone too far in abusing it.

That the energy of this earth let us use it and can decide when it wants us to leave.

Maybe our bodies …. maybe they aren’t just… ‘ours’.

The bodies we inhabit are made of an energy we barely know and generally pretend does not exist.

Instead we dwell in these bodies and feed them cardboard and abuse their natural states with drugs after drugs after drugs until we don’t even know what natural is.

I realized this at work, surrounded by the humans I love. My face was a shock value and a friend of mine there asked 

“What’s wrong.”
Generally…but it was someone I trusted…”I think…I just realized something horrid. I think our bodies. *pauses* Okay so earlier I was in this movie (Paranormal Activity) and jumped 
when there was a loud noise. A fear response. Then I just ate three fries and I felt the exact same reaction…what if…I don’t know it sounds mad but feels too true…what if at first our bodies want the food out of us, like the fry, and then eventually they want us out of them?”

*he pauses*
“I don’t…maybe but I don’t think so. I’d have to see a lot more evidence.”
*My thought* you live in it

The awareness flooded my body and convulsions seemed to course through me in tiny shudders. I stared around at the humans… 

“Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?”
“Well yeah…”

It’s like American humans take them as natural now. Probably because no one talks about a cure. If you’re suicidal you’re defective. Doomed to them. Only seriously embraced once the person is dead.

I looked at all the bodies around me and wondered if they had tried to kick those humans out of them. The people I love and want to….so desperately that I’d allow them to live in my body for a day to feel the difference…I want them to connect to life. I know too well their pain, the pain I used to be in.

To be continued….

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