You know how mental injuries get harder at night?
More suicidal, anxiety, demons on the wall or creepy thoughts become harder to handle.
I figured out the fuck why.
It was bothering me on the night walk last night, where I was going for some alone time and to really contemplate life, and it sprung out like a wildacat from the dessert cactus (actually there isn’t much cactus here).
So many life issues become clear when you let them be primal. Primalsense.
Think of what cavemen did at night versus the day.
They slept and adapted to the night, but also had to deal with the night. Your senses have to be alert and yet asleep, you have to be ready to fight. Night is where you become hunted.
Because of this your body is attempting to adapt. It is also trying to heal itself from the day/life and this is another level of adapting. You are
A) Adapting to the night
B) Adapting to heal
Mental disorders come down to the inability to adapt to change or to have distress from change.
Your body and mind are simply not adapting as well.
My body has been adapting to new ingredients.The pumpkin innards as well as tons of pumpkins.I didn’t realize until recently that pumpkin actually has many carbs.The abundance I was eating it with may have kicked me out of ketosis and caused the keto flu (detox)
This detox could have led to a lot of this suicidal notionary. I believe it was more than that because the thoughts would make my stomach gurgle and seemed a potent advocate of the pain more than a complete bystander creating itself from the body.
And yet. I finally got to fuck Dustin. Our fucking energies man. We discussed ish what happened and I reached a complete calm with it, in fact I stopped giving a fuck last night about it and finally got the whole standing up for myself feelings Abbey was rooting for. Then today the sickness was ickness and I wanted to smoke so I just headed over and did so.Mmmmmmm the ways our bodies flow together and…so I text myself. When I don’t feel like writing thought out on Google Docs I’ll just message myself to have them for later.
Sometimes I don’t spell well.
Since getting to mate with him I haven’t felt suicidal at all. Moreso the opposite and want to just melt into him. Another fun part of being me though is I carry around people’s energy.And absorb it at mass rates.Woo.Right now it’s fuck wootastic because his energy is still within me, but I wonder if it’s compensating for the suicidal thoughts rather than they are actually gone. Suppose I’ll find out soonish.
P.S. If you are a first time viewer to this blog I request you begin at the beginning.