Introduction:To introduce the coming words I have other words for you. Obsession and procrastination (ADHD symptom involving fear that I’ll explain later) have both been mostly cured within me, but just by changing your food and giving the right energy into your being to adapt to does not mean everything of your past rushes forwards and vomits itself out.Well much of it does, probably recent moments that your brain is still holding.They fucking hurt too. You feel so much pain that you denied or stored ripping out of you. Your body was not able to adapt to that stimuli so it tried to store it away. Then it feels your human beast mode adapting abilities and brings it all back for you to play with. (hypothesis I just came up with in the mind and out of my fingers)
Obsession for me is a compulsion of love. I fear rejection.
Obsessions are the things people obsess over, such as a person that washes their hand eighty times. Their obsession is the idea of germs. They fear them. Because of this they display compulsions (washing hands over and over).
Watch the full episode this scene comes from if you get the time. It is incredible in the way only Scrubs is incredible. So …real. Not in some artsy real way, but as in calm reality of truth.
Scrubs: Season 3, Episode 12
My Catalyst (10 Feb. 2004)
My Loving Obsession
Because I was rejected often as a child, both by my base of love and through relationships of puberty, I have that fear trapped in my brain. Your amygdala controls your … memory of emotions to response. Basically if something scares you, or has a strong smell, you remember it more. Your body remembers it.
So when something invokes fear (such as my rejection), especially when it is primal, (isolation from the group would cause a primal fear, as well as vulnerability) you remember it more. It dwells in you more and creates a little cave for itself with your innards.
Fear (for me rejections) + Body Storing Memory of that Fear (provoking of amygdala into storing a memory into the hippocampus) = Obsession
So obsession is basically the memory of that fear/when you peel that memory into the present/are aware of it.
Because on an evolutionary scale your body needs to remember what to fear.
It is that simple.
The problem is that we can feel that ‘need’ and wind up having compulsions to compensate.
Memory of Fear (rejection for me) + Current Fear (someone provoking that fear)=
Why? (Self Hypothesized) Compulsions occur when you do not adapt to that stimuli.
You get trapped in those connections (that person/item) because you are not adapting.
Adapting is being able to connect elsewhere.
Instead you think of that person or thing incessantly, attempting to connect out of it, but you can’t. You are chained by fear. This is also why people that have OCD can have compulsions or repeat things over and over. One time does not cure it, which means that is not the problem.
They repeat the compulsion over and over because they are not adapting to a situation and thus get trapped in connections.
Inability to Adapt + Fear = Compulsions/Trapping of Connection
I would obsess over humans/could not get over them, because I was trying to compensate for that rejection.
Since that memory of rejection is so deeply stored a lot of daily functioning invokes that memory. Anything that involves rejection. My obsession does not occur unless the human rejects me, and then I cannot stop thinking of them, wanting them, wonder how to get them, and wonder if they like me or could ever love me.
Is Dustin just OCD?
I could actually convince you/myself that my entire love of Dustin is actually just a compulsion of my love obsession. I need love. All humans due in order to feel a sense of comfort/that they belong to a group. If you’re isolated from a group you die. Or adapt really well, but that would imply complete body and mind self confidence intermingling. I’m not fully there yet…I could get there though
I want to believe there’s more to it, and in fact believe it is both. The unhealthy cravings for him (very remniscent/invokes the same feelings as unhealthy cravings like chips or beer or Snickers…interesting)
You can love someone, but if you NEED them, like actually fear being away from there or feel you cannot live without them, then you might be dealing with obsession as well.
Yet again your mind is not adapting to stimuli, but this time it is because it is clogged with fear.
I feel a need for these humans, and it is hard to function with an idea of a future that does not have them in it.
Essentially the fact that humans can imagine the future gives us the ability to obsess.
To just live in the present without them might cause mild tinklings when triggered, but in general I believe the obsession comes from a perceived future without the person. Then we act in the present to change that future.
The feelings of it are very much in the present.
So when it comes to OCDMost of my obsessing is gone.
- Think of them/it in every silence
- Fear silence because of this (f you are aware of and hate the obsessing)
- Fear being without them/it (both in present and in future perception)
- Despite not wanting to think of them/it you still do
- When you obsess you constantly connect back to thing (human/object) that you’re obsessing to. It takes up so much mind space that you start to connect to only them and not much else
- Plan ways to obtain them it/ (often not practical and causes pain when you realize it won’t work and feel insane for even trying)
- You start having floods of everything you care/cared about
- Don’t think of them/it in every silence
- You remember your old hobbies and connect to other parts of your self
- You connect without fear
- You think of them without clinging to that connection
- No longer fear being alone/could survive without them/it
- No longer fear silence