Then why not release this at night? Because I want you to know there’s still life in death and to prevent any mind spirals from you lovers,
I have videos coming for the way all of this worked out but I wanted to line out understanding in the letters that make you feel connected.
I was unable to connect Dustin to rejection since they were happening in different realms of connecting.
So…imagine the best sex you’ve ever had. Imagine that it blissed you out of life into a sex realm of goddesses just stroking you everywhere, or beasts men dripping in chocolate sweat that didn’t stick but just rippled across their muscles. You also have lavender tickling your nose but with the pleasure of air more than feathers.
You’re dripping from their barest of movements and are so lost within capturement that you’re more open than you’ve ever felt or throbbing so deeply the pain is only hardened pleasure.
There is no care about your looks or if the music is right as you lick each other and reach into such primal pulses that your back arches in pleasure as you ride the throbbing cock inside you with abandon or lift her to the air to reach her deepest insides.
When the liquid pulses out of you and them a ripping desire to take it into you comes forth and you take it in, tasting the pleasure and then rub it down your sweating body, feeling yourself intensely and writhing into the pleasures of your skin as a calm shakes you and you prepare for more.
Then you take their sweet dripping pleasure into your mouth and it just fits perfectly. Your mouth mates with them and the shock of such connection startles you out for just a moment. No other cock or cunt has fit so well, felt so right or sent such pleasure into you as theirs. Right back in goes your body and mind, as nothing can take you out of this pleasure for too long.
That was sex with Dustin.
It was just in a whole new realm of connections.
But then it didn’t happen again.
I didn’t get to reach those connections again so they stayed separated and I desperated to reach them again. I clung to him as my body and mind tried to scratch them out of him. I could barely function in daily life as it felt disconnected from those connections.
Rejection didn’t reach those connections. In fact, I think they separated me from them more. I lost the ability to release him since I couldn’t access him.
Despite the best food it didn’t reach me up there. I could still face life and barely want suicide, but I was in fact, able to provoke those desires.
I have a reason for that though….during those moments I was accessing deep roots of rejection. I have past moments of pain I’d never dealt with before.
Today I feel much more cleansed of it. I feel free.
Before I’d been planning and plotting ways to just be near him, but today I even thought of sending a text, a final one I barely cared if happened, saying “Alright so before I fully move on, you don’t want to be together right?” Then wait for that stabbing pain to come so I could fully be over it. In a millisecond I decided against it. I thought of actually being with him and didn’t want it.
The idea of the text changed:
“So before I physically move on do you want to even be friends with benefits”.
Even that I didn’t want. I thought of fucking him and blerked.
He doesn’t deserve me. That was the first time I could have that thought and actually feel it and connect to it.
I’d thought it before and felt no connection to it or release….thoughts don’t work if we can’t connect to them.
Also I made a mug cake with just coconut flour to just carry around
P.S. If you are a first time viewer to this blog I request you begin at the beginning.