On that emotional eating:
Something melted in venting because it trinkled about a couple of hours more and then faded out. Oddly it faded after eating that chocolate bar and another one. I wonder if there actually was a nutrient I was starved for.
Too late to find out now.
The amount of rejection is causing the other memories of the human to fade. Oh the power of evolution making rejection stronger than acceptance.
Yet upon getting high last night after doing a poetry reading (more on that in the eventual), I had realizations.
You read, his roommate and I are also friends. We even hang out at times and I’ve been trying to avoid Dustin being there when this occurs. The last two times he wound up being there (probably sent home due to the dead hallowed halls of movies right now), and the last time as well (slightly…maybe planned to see him for about ten minutes in this one). Since we work together I do have access to his schedule. Yayyyy easy stalking.
So the last time is when he passed by my twin and she felt this intense anger. An anger that can now be described by the possibility of being twin flames.
Last night his roommate, Sir Justin, (yeah, they’re names have a one letter difference), was hammering down the tootsie rolls and chips. Lays now has Gyro flavor that I did have to try.
When I first arrived there was already a pile of wrappers on a plate, and I thought it was just an accumulation of the day or from both him and Dustin. As the minutes moved across the clock I realized they were all Justin’s and probably from a short time frame.
He would reach up for a new handful and eat one about every fifteen seconds. He would slow down when he got absorbed in Destiny, but the moment there was a cut scene he reached for another one.
When that handful was gone he grabbed another handful.
He said a few things in the night that caught my ears.
He received a text and said that he didn’t know who it could be because Dustin was at work and I was already there. He also said he had been sitting home all day and only went out shopping for groceries, which is the only shopping he ever does.
This person is so nice and full of life at work, yet desires to be secluded and leaked into a screen for the rest of his living hours.
When we gained back the power of our dollars from our parents did we get thrilled and get addicted? I did, Abbey did, Justin did,
So how do we get that power back?
I’ve done it through a couple of years of vigorous fighting and fearful saunterings into what all food can do to us. There are so many though….fear for my generation and the next. The more I unveal of people and ask questions the more it seems every single person I know has some type of mental disorder. All but five….Jessica, Miles, Kisa, Noah, and Joel. This is out of the 48 people (them included) that I’ve directly talked to about this. The others cannot handle either being around people, untrapping themselves from connection, have intense anxiety, feel suicidal thoughts, become angry quickly and remain without being able to control it. About 10% of the people I know don’t have a mental disorder. 90% of the friends I just counted through looking at the text on my phone, show painful signs at existing and display signs of life being hard to control.
I might make fake names for them and go down the list.
Oh in none of my published books or here have I ever used fake names. At some point this world deserves to be real.
Mind Lifting Mouthgasms
My food blog is getting attraction. People want to stroke it. They ask for it to be featured and get excited over the recipes.
I just…don’t care about it as much as this blog. I’ve put so much work and meaning into these words and this page, but that one is exceeding my viewing expectations. I get why. Food is easy to advertise. I can pop onto my FB groups for keto and keto/paleo and simply post the recipe. I can also get on Reddit for it. This…this is much harder to even get out there. Food is also easy to get excited about. I get excited for it and read blog posts on it more than I read any about mental disorders.
I still read ones on mental disorders, and especially how health ties to them in so many cases, but I get frustrated more quickly and more easily taxed when reading them.
I suppose it is obvious. I need to actually search for where to display this…but time is limited these days and adding more might drown me like the water of a tub.