You know what fucking sucks about becoming spiritually awakened?
You become aware of fucking everything.
Doors look like these portals and …actual openings to places. They actually change into more than just entering and you stop and stare at them. It’s hard to describe but…on days I’ve actually been singing through my chakras (you just fucking sit outside and sing to every note you feel and they start to vibrate to you….yeah I can’t help but do it now and it feels fucking magical and I fucking love it).
The world seems to vibrate more to you.
You think everything you do is some type of awakening.
Last fucking night I made this sound.
Then I said it aloud over and over and the wind grew more fierce and my heart chimed along with it. It felt like a chanting of something that mattered. Something that could fucking….be different.
Iknta Inkta Inkta flustered over my tongue and mind, consuming and feeling like a deep meaning. I felt this moment of fear that I was exposed and the world knew I was there.
The darkness spoke and I started to go back and thought of Dustin. The name Inkta fit him…outside of his name for this lifetime.
Then I felt this calm…I felt him. As though he was protecting me. My strength came through again and I continued my nightly walk. I’d been walking a lot yesterday…and in general. I’ll have to quit Netflix or whatever studying I’m doing to just go and sit outside and sing or go for long walkings.
It’s really annoying when I need to just study, when I need to just be who I’ve been for 24 fucking years.
It sucks to feel your entire self seem to slip out for this spiritually awakened, supposedly superior, human to take you over.
On the full walk back I paused and thought Atkins. I’d forgotten what name I’d chanted and was like fuck…that’s why it felt so right. I was just chanting Atkins. Then I remembered it wasn’t, it was Inkta, and moved on.
Last night I swifted through the name in my inner dwellings.
A t k i n s
I n k t a
a t k n i
a t k i n
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