When I say ‘connect to the past’
It is in not figurative sense.
I truly believe that wherever those connections lie in the brain is a place I can still access.
if it is a place I tried to forget
or just one that went unconnected for years.
Although many thoughts and connections are provoked over my mind with intention I also have moments in life that were not fully connected to and thus just latently took their place in the brain.
Some of that might be from a lack of memory
inability to connect
due to what I was putting in my brain.
The brain needs gut flora and nutrients to create memories.
If it doesn’t have those going for it
it might just fuck up.
My theory is that it fractured those memories
or just didn’t absorb them as it should have.
Maybe it even created an island of glitched rapture
just for them.
Now that time has passed I attempt to think back on those memories
or I go to a place that triggers my mind into them.
You literally connect to the past.
Yet sometimes you connect to the disruption. Your brain glitches as it tries to connect where it initially did not connect properly.
A sense of displacement strokes your skin.
Your mind feels something is wrong.
That it did not connect to life the way it wanted. Should have.
These are just feelings. Analysis of what happened
in this mind.
Yet it feels so rawly true.
So sense-making of life connections.
Besides a lack of proper memory creation, there is dissociation itself.
A complex idea…or I just fear reaching into it.
That is still in my mind to discuss later.
It has been for…a long time.
I fear it.