I’ve left you so much in order to finish the book for this. It is a compiling moment of the blog posts with weekly data at the end of each week and the food eaten that day placed at the end of each day.
To be honest I kept almost crying in writing it and had to listen to Sia’s Chandelier song five times to actually feel and connect to what I was feeling.
What I did to myself…hurts.
To see words or moments or drawings I created. To connect back to them. Hurt.
The literal feels swirling in the chest.
It is also.
I thought of something moments ago….why it is hard for ADHD humans to start tasks. The ability to access those connections becomes difficult, as we have discussed before. So if memories are in connections are actions in them too? Is that connection stuck and hard to access and thus the task within it hard to start?
Also, people who get schizophrenia. Their memory is lost. The connections lost. As though they can’t connect.
I…it seems so real. So true.
Now that I feel myself access connections. I literally feel them like moments firing in my brain as I snag them and leak into them. It has become easy. I can access everywhere with ease.
I have this new coworker named Evan who eats Laffy Taffy and coffee with tons of cream and sugar. That is all I’ve seen him put in his mouth. Oh wait he ordered a Greek Wrap from me today (servers have to order the food).
He is incredible and blissfully sporadic, but when you ask him a question or he has to access memory/connections he has a mental freak out. I watch it on his face. He flusters his hand to portray the mind frustrations. I watch him struggle to connect and feel pain and fascination.
He is also into neuroscience. I enjoy having someone to talk about it with.
The book will be free next Sunday as well as Animal and Unedited Therapy. The Mind Series is complete.