It takes two.
Not just the life trauma.
Not just the food.
It must swirl together as one to drip out suicide.
This is what seems to be a true separation of man and other animals.
We are able to perceive ‘existence’. The past the present and the future.
We have memory.
Other animals are also self-aware and simply communicate in different ways.
As we are able to feel the past collide into the present we shape our idea of the future.
Our body can hold those moments too.
We can access them together.
We think of the death of a past loved one and feel pain.
Our body remembers the tears and creates them anew
or holds them in.
Sometimes we have moved on and can feel that difference.
Our body creates a new memory from the past.
People can be happy all of their lives.
Then a trauma happens.
A life-changing moment.
A job loss.
Simply change at all.
Then suddenly we feel depression and suicide. Our body recognizes that change. The thoughts feed the body.
Yet then the body must react. Does it take the thoughts and leak them out to fight for our lives?
Or does it send the signals and access the depths.
Does it signal us to die?
Boiling the Thoughts Together
I have had very significant life changes happen recently. I had a job for $5500 dollars that fell through yesterday. I also am starting to realize another job I did that promised $3000 dollars might never actually pay me. That money was contributing to my college fund as I need it for the coming semseter.
And yet…I couldn’t really feel them. I couldn’t connect to the ickmisery those thoughts would generally cause. Instead of depth connecting or dwelling I just accepted it and moved on. My body didn’t access the doomnections.
I even tried to really care but my mind and body so forward as one. I simply thought of what to do instead.
Neither my mind nor body accessed doom connections
I didn’t sprout out of the womb this way and there was a time in my life those thoughts could have spiraled me. My mind would have glued to them as my body held them.
All that’s changed is I’ve been in organic paleo body for three days with no cheating. My mind is not creating from any processed substances. It is only creating from naturally earth given food moments.
So what happens if we grew up on processed food all our lives and now can access suicide? What of the memories held in mind and body? I can still access them at times. Existential especially, but those are the deepest and most frightful thoughts. I have to access them to get them out.
P.S. If you are a first time viewer to this blog I request you begin at the beginning.