These posts are from an experiment I did in 2015 that I am moving over to this blog.
A sense of calm.
Is it just a sense of control?
When you finally feel the situation drip out from your mind like a stream you’ve melded from an ocean.
Hyperactivity. ADHD. The loss of control as you connect everywhere and nowhere. Clinging to no connections until you’re trapped in them and get the lovely ‘perk’ of hyperfocus.
I’m so glad that only comes in past connection brashes now. ADHD is itchy and mind scraggly. To lose control of your own self and yet be trapped in your own self is…beyond these letters for now.
Yesterday I had some road rage. Drivers here cut you off to break slamming necessity with no cars behind you. It is a college town. Also, these drivers are connecting to the world on the fast food that is within a minute’s reach at all times.
Yet as my curses slipped, as my tongue ripped out my mind’s words my body calmed them.
I still had control.
This is the most contrasting feel between paleo/keto and fast food
In what all moments does the body control the mind? When does our body speak?
Think of the last time you got really sick. Now think of the food you had that day. Did your body react? If not there probably is some food in your mind reservoir that you get sick at the thought of. Your body is talking to you. We’ll say we’re sick or feel cold. The body creating our words.
Now we just have to embrace the intricacies of those moments. To branch out of the extreme and embrace each connection.
I’m working to carve out the moments my mind still holds. There’s so much in there that can pester and erupt into me at any moment. I try to lose it’s number and change my phone but I swear the leaves are whispering where I am.
I’m embracing the idea of living on this earth. I almost…want to. Part of me believes it’s from having life goals now. Yet I had life goals while on fast food and the idea of a knife still led to plunging it into my heart.
What mattered was the connect. My body visualized desires from connecting.
Then now I think of knife and visualize it going through cheese. My body visualizes living.
Yesterday I was doing mind data and was able to imagine me slinging around in a field of dripping flying blood of friends. Yet if I imagined actually shoving that knife into a friend my mind stopped it. It didn’t connect it.
I didn’t feel it.
Then I imagined harder and actually reflex triggered. My mind and body repulsed at it.
Weeks ago it just imagined it. Deeply and wanting and fully.
All that changed was maintenance of this paleo mind.
Sadly I only just started tracking ability to trigger things but if we go back on just ability to harm others automatically:
You’ll notice it doesn’t get too horrid but there were moments my mind just created and desired it. It wanted to harm me and others together. When my emotions rebounded from fast food to paleo there was less desire to kill me and yet some desires lingered to harm others. I suddenly felt they weren’t worthy of our species.
Now I mentally vomit at the thought. Not due to some superiority or such thing but just a bodily reaction creating in my mind.
P.S. If you are a first time viewer to this blog I request you begin at the beginning.